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ERIC PREVEN’S NOTEBOOK - ’Twas the night following the PLUM hearing when all through the town not a creature was smiling everyone’s face was bent in a frown.
The last condition from Judge Beckloff, who ruled in favor of the school, found that none of the arguments from Studio City were good enough or cool.
The attorney for the public asked, "Your honor, what about the holiday golf tournament, that we love? It's our way; it's our joy... a small tradition, in lieu of more toys.”
Santa and the reindeer… show up every year, ready to party and bring tons of cheer.
Khalatian said, "It's just a golf tournament, your honor. Name your favorite charity and Headmaster Commons will give the Trustees some clarity."
"Judge Beckloff, you look fantastic!" said a very smart local speaker, write the tournament in as an ORDER or the school will bulldoze the whole tree-lined corridor.
And while your honor is in such a good mood, could you add the terms “Pro-Am” to section three, line twenty-two?
"Hello, Honorable Beckloff, pardon the interruption, it's Rick Commons, here, and this man is a disruption. Pro-am?” is certainly not what we agreed, professional golfers are not what we need.
“Your honor, Edgar Khalatian from Mayer Brown, sir, not sure if you heard, but we bought this town.
Don't do anything silly, don't do anything rash... we have plenty to do and a shit ton of cash.
What cause do you favor the most? I’m sure Headmaster Commons can connect you to a “billionaire host!”
“Sit down, Mr. Khalatian, Mr. Preven was speaking and the pro-am dimension is frankly… intriguing.”
’Twas the day of the tournament, bright and fair, On a golf course where joy filled the air.
Judge Beckloff presided with gavel in hand, overseeing the greatest game in the land.
In the wings, bulldozers sat idle and quiet… the Saudis were there making a deal with Hyatt!
But out on the greens, under the sky so blue, The holiday spirit was felt, pure and true.
Pointy ears peeking, a smile so wide, Edgar Khalatian stood by the scoreboard, filled with pride.
The kids from the hood who wanted to play included Gia, Noelle, Linus, and Winston not to mention Cooper and Pickles who claim to be related to Jan-Micheal Vincent!
Osso was there with Georgi and Elvis and Queso who has a very active pelvis.
Disco and Bleaker were certainly in attendance, with Hilde and Miyagi… the whole crew was stupendous.
The School’s team was PGA quality, of course, but the home team advantage evened the score.
Studio City from the hood went putt for putt and drive for drive … until it came down to some kind of... do or die.
The Judge said there would be one final hole played by one player from each team, but who would be chosen? The excitement was high; both sides were frozen.
All of the players from both sides were cheering, "Pick a winner!" they shouted, there was a magical feeling.
Suddenly, there was a last-minute objection, Harvard-Westlake wanted the Ethics Commission to do the selection.
“That's absurd,” said the Smart Speaker, "It’s a holiday tournament, let's have Santa Claus perform the thankless task, incidentally, where is he, I believe this is his flask?"
Santa or Ethics... would decide Studio City's fate, but where the hell is Santa? He's actually late.
Harvard-Westlake insisted that Todd, their very best player from Brentwood hit the ultimate shot but Beckloff said “Certainly not!”
The representative from City Ethics reached deep into the bag the whole town was there even the old hag.
Everyone was huddled together both the School and the locals… a kind of affection but it was time for selection.
To no one’s surprise, the best player in California was chosen from the school’s squad. The pick for the people was Trixy, a little more odd..
The moment the Harvard Westlake heard the name Trixy, the nearly 200 Tailgaters started whistling dixie.
"Your honor, we don't object, to Todd, but Trixy is not young and doesn't have much of a shot. She's a great player with a big heart, but ... Tiger Woods she is not.”
Montana, from Beeman Park, the leader of the local pack, stepped forward and said, “Can we order Shake Shack?”
Headmaster Commons was surprisingly agreeable but before Montana could tee up his shot he fell sound asleep... "so not foreseeable."
Khalatian slyly tucked the Cannabis Treats into a golf sack and it was decided that little old Trixy would have to take her best whack.
Trixy had lived in Studio City all of her life, was a loving mother, and also a wife...
Todd stood six foot nine and could hit the ball to Sherman Oaks, which elicited plenty of mean-spirited jokes.
The Tailgaiters from Harvard Westlake giggled as Trixy stepped up to the tee and actually tripped in front of the whole town to see.
This wasn't fair. This is not how it should be...
Trixy picked herself up put her knee back in the socket and pulled out a tiny club from her extra tiny pocket.
And then… against all the odds of getting it done this tiny little golfer hit her first hole-in-one!
The place went crazy even Montana was awakened, as Santa showed up, stirred but not shaken.
Old Saint Nick apologized he was at urgent care, he twisted his knee on fake grass, PFAS beware!
This was not the “fake” Santa that Mr. Commons had hired but the real one, who everyone assumed had retired.
He landed his sled. It was hard to find a space and wondered whose idea it was to get rid of the open space.
The real Santa accepted a scoop of McConnell’s and shook every hand… but vowed to stay out of the fight over the land.
When it was Beckloff's turn to sit on Santa’s lap he said “Studio City deserves to stay on the map.”
The kids all heard it and the hopes started rising…What happened next was highly surprising.
As Santa was about to rustle up his sleigh, a large Hummer limousine pulled in the way.
Out from the limo, popped two Pritzkers and a Munger with an announcement to make... "Be careful, these holiday cookies, will get you baked…"
Munger started to explain but couldn't stop giggling so Pritzker did the honors and said... “We've gone back and forth and done plenty of… wiggling.
But money talks around here and we are so proud of Trixy that we’re changing the status of the Athletics complex... we’re changing it to… nixy.
"We know we can win but the art is to play…”
“Everyone is welcome you can all stay.”
(Eric Preven is a longtime community activist and is a contributor to CityWatch. The opinions of Mr. Preven are not necessarily those of CityWatchLA.com.)
