SAY WHAT?

This Just In: Movement to Ban Assault Burritos 

#1. A Taco Bell employee, in Alabama, is in trouble for throwing a "Hot Burrito" at his boss. It hit her, too. There are already moves afoot, if not to impose an outright ban, at the very least, to severely regulate Assault Burritos.


#2.  Mohammed is becoming a popular name. In Austria it's #3, it's moving up in Germany and it is the most popular name in Israel. No data on how Mohammed is doing in the US but it's likely to have already passed LaMar.

#1. The Oscar nominations have been announced. The Academy Awards show will be on March 4th. The producers of the show have asked participants to back off the Trump Bashing this year. The response, so far, has been "Hey, that's all we got."

#2. The women's "We're Enraged Parades" this year featured fewer pink pussy hats. Sources claim they "exclude and are offensive." The Feline Fanciers of Westwood claim cats found them offensive, too and wanted to avoid animal rights complaints.

#1. The American Optometrists Society has sent a formal letter to Senator Chuck Schumer requesting he stop wearing his glasses down on his nose and looking out over the top of them. They claim it is improper and looks really "dorky."

#2. The TSA  stopped a cable crew trying to sneak a fake bomb onto a plane. While congratulations are due to the Newark TSA for spotting the fake bomb, they did suffer a slight set back when they missed the tank.

#3. Some tribal leaders want Senator Elizabeth Warren to apologize to Native Americans for claiming heritage without solid evidence. Warren said that rather than apologize “I'll just claim to be part Eskimo.”

CityWatch Top 5 Fake News Stories

#1. A Federal Judge has just ruled that the U.S. Constitution is UNconstitutional.

#2. A recent article suggested that driverless Teslas might be used by terrorists. An Imam declared, “This will go a long way toward
 replenishing the supply of virgins.”