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ACCORDING TO LIZ - In 2023, Elon Musk berated companies that ceased advertising on X: “If somebody’s going to try to blackmail me with advertising? Blackmail me with money? Go fuck yourself. Go. Fuck. Yourself. Is that clear?”
Musk’s opinionated ravings and laissez-faire approach following his $44 billion purchase of Twitter and its rebranding as X scared off advertisers. Revenue plummeted and the platform was heading towards financial ruin.
Of course, that was before his $250 million donation to Lord Liar’s re-election campaign secured him government influence, putting him in charge of slashing federal budgets, including agencies investigating X, Tesla and SpaceX.
With the ascension of the Witless-Wonder to the White House throne, Amazon, Apple, and other major advertisers have returned – poof!
X is now the White House’s go-to platform for official pronouncements. Key policy updates are posted on the platform instead of going through traditional channels.
Musk’s $350 billion SpaceX is destined to dominate the U.S. space industry under His Lewdship. Not due to business acumen but bloody political power.
The self-proclaimed First Buddy’s six private companies already siphoned off $20 billion in federal government contracts, and now he’s leading the cost-cutting task force DOGE, reshaping policies and leading a clarion call against federal bureaucracy with X, attacking any regulators that may limit his further business aspirations, calling them “wasteful.”
Establishing DOGE may have been within the Twit’s power and, although it almost certainly lacks legitimate legal authority to willy-nilly slash, downsize and dismantle federal agencies, the Petulant Prince is permitting his sycophantic buddy to unrestrictedly pursue personal profits by eviscerating any part of the government standing in his way… especially those established to protect law-abiding Americans.
Musk and his businesses were beset by indictments from at least 11 federal agencies with more than 32 continuing investigations, pending complaints or enforcement actions including:
- 24 investigations alone from the National Labor Relations Board including contentions of rampant racism and retaliation at Tesla
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- charges that SpaceX contravened the Clean Water Act
- an SEC investigation related to Musk's $44 billion takeover of X
- violation of federal voting laws and Pennsylvania consumer protection laws by promising to give away a million dollars a day to registered swing-state voters who supported a Republican presidency
- criminal and civil accusations of fraud, labor violations, and additional investigations by the FTC, OSHA, the Labor Board, and Department of Transportation
- a lawsuit from the Securities and Exchange Commission arguing that Musk owes the federal government up to $150 million
- investigations into crashes by Tesla’s partially automated vehicles
- a Justice Department criminal probe examining whether Musk and Tesla have overstated their cars’ self-driving capabilities
- a complaint filed with the Justice Department alleging SpaceX blocked asylum recipients and refugees from jobs mendaciously claiming it could only hire U.S. citizens and lawful permanent residents because of U.S. export control laws
- avoidance of government mandates to report crash data on vehicles using technology like Tesla’s Autopilot
- multiple investigations of consumer complaints about Tesla safety issues by the Department of Transportation
- hundreds of complaints filed with the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau about Tesla debt collection and loan irregularities
- denying approval for fleets of robotaxis and other self-driving vehicles until ongoing safety issues are proven resolved
- charges of unfair labour practices filed by United Auto Workers against both the president and Musk after the two talked about Musk supposedly firing striking workers during a conversation on X in an effort to block Tesla workers from unionizing
With the advent of DOGE and Musk’s continued investment in this malleable White House, there has been a veritable cascade of decisions erasing the above.
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had promised to drain the swamp in Washington. Presumably of special interests and lobbyists sucking on the teat of government. Instead, he has stocked it with a plethora of nasties, not the least of which is a venomous snake named Eel-on. Slimy, slippery and poisonous.
And as self-interested as the Dark Lord he serves.
Of course, Eel-on whines about government regulations, investigations and safety programs but they protect American lives and property. He has got this far using crazy-like-a-fox tactics and clearly plans to continue benefiting by selective slashing of any and all programs and agencies impeding his personal profitability.
Profits? Why would a multi-billionaire need more? It’s clear that Musk's obsession with his net worth is pathological abetted by the pathological buffoon in the White House.
Their association and mutual insider knowledge have boosted share prices for both his business-sphere and the Crass One’s developing crypto-empire. Propelling other Musk companies out in front of competitors for lucrative federal contracts while putting the Pretender-in-Chief on track to become the multi-millionaire he always aspired to be.
Regulatory battles that once slowed SpaceX down are disappearing. Elon’s role at DOGE gives him direct control over cutting red tape. The Federal Aviation Administration, the National Labor Relations Board, and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, all of which were impeding the cancerous growth of SpaceX, are now being pressured to waive regulations and lift restrictions.
X’s financial recovery is quantitatively tied to Wall Street nepotism. Billions in X debt recently rose to sell at near face value, relieving banks from writing down the loans and possibly precipitating another Great Recession.
Existing cases against Musk’s companies are now being dismissed, some with prejudice meaning charges cannot be brought again.
Removing regulatory requirements and gutting agencies in charge of investigating complaints against his multiple businesses that have already made Musk the richest person on the planet will grant him further power to mint more money.
So far DOGE has:
- fired of Food and Drug Administration employees overseeing clinical trials of brain-computer interface devices including applications from Neuralink, Musk’s brain implant company
- miraculous lifted the FCC delay of Starlink’s expansion to 30,000 satellites
- fired four percent of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration’s workers, specifically those raising questions about crashes involving Tesla’s self-driving technology (as one fired engineer pointed out “The amount of people in the federal government who are able to understand this adequately is very small. Now it’s almost nonexistent”)
- reinstated $885.5 million in SpaceX subsidies for rural broadband expansion that the FCC revoked in 2022 when Starlink failed to meet basic program requirements and didn’t demonstrate it could deliver promised service
The administration has also eliminated Biden’s A.I. regulations, hoping to jumpstart American dominance in artificial intelligence. With newly minted A.I. and crypto czar David Sacks already a Musk-worshipper, his hero’s generative intelligence startup, xAI, will indubitably benefit from a government-backed boost.
Abetted by new NASA administrator, billionaire Jared Isaacman, SpaceX has moved to the front of the line for billions in contracts from NASA and the Pentagon such as building spy satellites, clambering over competitors such as Boeing and Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin. Under this presidency, analysts predict that divide is only gonna grow.
Meanwhile, lawyers for X are pressuring Interpublic Group to get its clients to spend more advertising dollars on X in what appears to be a strong-arm quid pro quo to permit a recently announced $13 billion merger with rival Omnicom Group to advance.
Who says Eel-on has not gone to Washington for the money?
Most recently, states are suing to stop access to sensitive data systems at the Treasury Department as violations of the Administrative Procedure and Privacy Acts. Additional lawsuits seek to protect access to Internal Revenue Service and the Social Security Administration and other government databases by DOGE and presidential appointees.
What other Musky odors will come wafting from Washington’s swamps, stinking up the government?
(Liz Amsden resides in Vermont and is a regular contributor to CityWatch on issues that she is passionate about. She can be reached at [email protected].)
