What Makes a Good Father?

JUST SAYIN’-This weekend I was thinking about what Tim Russert (of Meet the Press fame) said several years ago:  He was dead set against body tattoos, so when his beloved son, Luke, came home one day and told him he had just gotten a tattoo, Tim was livid.  When Luke responded that he had the artist pen in his fathe r’s initials (the same as his grandfather’s) because he wanted both father and grandfather to be always at his side, Tim’s reaction abruptly changed.  The act brought tears to his eyes and produced an even deeper relationship with his son if that were possible.  (Luke’s action inspired me, so I have the names of my family on my sides as well.)  

I admire those fathers who choose a different path for their lives from the traditional role, when they come to understand that absenteeism is unacceptable, intolerable, and unjustifiable but that spending well-spent time with their children is of primary importance.  Many have become

Mr. Moms--embracing the opportunity to stay home with their growing families.  

My next-door neighbor is such a father.   It buoys my day when I hear him and the kids laugh and giggle uproariously and scream with delight as they play games.  He is so proud when he reports their progress in reading and math and other subjects in good part due to his early interaction with them—while making learning fun.  Now that both children are in school, he continues the “Mom” chores, driving them to school and picking them up, being a dynamic part of their school day and after-school activities. 

Those children adore their father and yet have plenty of love for their professional mom who works four-day weeks so she too can have a larger role in her children’s lives. 

Fathers like these and fathers who work every day outside the home but share the same values, must be lauded.  They devote a part of each day and the weekends so they can play an influential role in the lives of their children.   They provide a sense of safety, security, and stability.   They can model for their children the importance of hard work, dedication, motivation, and inspiration. 

There is no lovelier experience than that of a child crawling up onto papa’s lap and clasping his arms around Dad’s neck and nestling there.  Wrapped in an old sheet, looking out the window, making pictures out of clouds and creating stories for the bird families, the child forms memories that are unique and matchless. They see the tree in the corner of the yard and hear the rustling of leaves and the sound of the train in the distance while listening for grandpa to arrive for a visit—all thoughts of which become uniquely treasured reminiscences. 

Putting children to bed at night after reading a story and exchanging the thoughts of the day and then waking them up in the morning become part of a significant family ritual—as John Steinbeck would say, “The Song of the Family.”  

These shared memories cannot transpire, though, if Dad does not take the time to make them happen.  Sharing such moments are memorable and certainly not unmanly.    In fact, it is such sensitivity that actually makes a man a Man! 

Fathers can demonstrate through their own lives that the kind of work a father does is really quite irrelevant.  One can be a blue collar worker on a rail line or a teacher in the classroom or an executive in a corner office or a stay-at-home father—one job is not superior to another; after all, all such occupations are necessary to our lives.  

It is the quality of time spent with their progeny that counts, not how much money is earned on the job or expended on often frivolous gifts.  When fathers foster the philosophy that you earn what you yearn, they teach their sons and daughters to be stakeholders in their present as well as their future.  It is the wisdom imparted that makes the biggest difference.   

Fathers that set fair, consistent, loving rules that include reasonable discipline are those that produce the best outcomes and the greatest respect, loyalty, and love from their progeny.  It is time that children (and young men, in particular) who now say “Hi, Mom” in sports interviews, also include a “Hi, Dad”—recognizing proudly the role those dads play in their lives. 

Fathers, who take the time to share the family history with anecdotes and vignettes and a discussion of their ancestry (even visiting important and memorable family places), are fathers who impart an understanding that brings pride to children about themselves.  Those kinds of discussions engender in children a belief that who they understand they are is more important than what others may say or think—particularly those “meanies” who make fun, deride, ridicule, and menace.  Bullies don’t continue to torment if they cannot intimidate their “victims.” 

When fathers impart to their offspring that it doesn’t matter who you are, what shape or size, which ethnicity, nationality, sexual orientation, or marital status, they inculcate a very positive message.  Such self-appreciation makes a contented child who becomes a productive and happy adult. 

How To Train Your Dragon 2 is a movie with multiple themes that reinforce these ideas.  What a wonderful outing to take with one’s children—and great for the whole family!  The film, visually compelling, presents a message that puts into practice the very concepts aforementioned.  This story also teaches about the rich rewards that come from unqualified forgiveness.  Even when the perceived or real insult, injury, or grievance seems so offensive or even repugnant, unconditional love wins the day.  And that is as it should be.  Holding onto a distasteful past can bring but a venomous present and a toxic future.  

Mothers, of course, are an integral part of the nurturing family, but fathers have taken a back seat for too long.  The role of fathers and mothers are not exactly interchangeable, but when a father gets pleasure from being more involved, the entire family benefits.  When children feel loved, valued, and appreciated, they carry those feelings into adulthood, and when they create their own families, they will emulate those early lessons learned and valued. 

There is no formula for being a perfect parent or child.  There are no re-do’s.   In the end, what makes a great dad (or mom) is the goodness in one’s heart and the intentions of one’s soul. 

Just sayin’.

 

(Rosemary Jenkins is a Democratic activist and chair of the Northeast Valley Green Alliance. Jenkins has written Leticia in Her Wedding Dress and Other Poems, A Quick-and-Easy Reference to Correct Grammar and Composition and Vignettes for Understanding Literary and Related Concepts.  She also writes for CityWatch.)

-cw

 

 

 

CityWatch

Vol 12 Issue 50

Pub: June 20, 2014