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#  Surely, Jesus Would Fly Coach

May 31 2018

Written by Tom (Broken News) Murphy.

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![](https://mail.citywatchla.com/images/stories/June-2018/screenshot-2018-05-31-at-6.40.02-PM.png)

![](https://mail.citywatchla.com/images/stories/June-2018/044p.png)1) New Orleans based televangelist, Jesse Duplantis *(photo right)*is seeking donations to buy a Dussalult Falcon 7 X private jet. It doesn't come cheap at $54 million. Jesse claims he was told by God to believe for this specific plane since it can make longer trips and save money on fuel.Duplantis also said if Jesus came back today he wouldn't be traveling around on a donkey. I can buy that. I do think though, if he were flying, he wouldn't be on a private jet, he'd fly commercial in coach.

2\) This volcano story from Hawaii will might make the next edition "From Darwin's Waiting Room." The U.S. Geological Survey took to Twitter to respond to a user who asked if it was safe to roast marshmallows over volcanic vents, assuming you had a long enough stick. They replied that it was not safe regardless of the length of your stick.Please don't try and if the vent was emitting SO2 or H2S the marshmallows would taste bad. Ya think?

3\) Researchers at the U. of Edinburgh analyzed the genetic data of 44,480 and found that overall, 30% were more intelligent and required reading glasses. If you sense, when you hear "Not the sharpest knife in the drawer" 'Not the brightest bulb in the string" or "dumb bell" or the even meaner "dumb ass" and you don't need glasses they, might be referring to you. Just buy some glasses, with clear lenses, and start acting "smart" That'll end the unkind comments.

4\) Here's this week's Tesla story. A Tesla, on autopilot, crashed into a Laguna Police SUV on Laguna Canyon Road. The Tesla driver sustained minor injuries and the SUV was totaled. A Tesla on autopilot crashed into a semi-truck in the same location a year ago. The police are now looking into topography, lane markings or anything else that might "confuse" the autopilot. Who is a fault here? The Tesla or The Topography.

5\) The newly elected Prime Minister of Malaysia is canceling a project to build a high-speed rail line between its capital, Kuala Lumpier, and Singapore. This project was approved by his predecessor. The Prime Minster says the rail project is expensive and has no financial benefit. Maybe our newly elected governor will follow this example and cancel his predecessor's high speed expensive and no financial benefit rail project.

*(Tom Murphy is a writer, humorist, actor, disc jockey and an occasional contributor to CityWatch. He lives in Los Angeles.)*

-cw

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