Massage by Robot

1) "Was there life on Mars?" There might have been. "Curiosity" the NASA Mars Rover has been wandering around Mars since 2012. In the Gale Crater it found some "goopy" stuff, similar to oil, that may have been there for 3.5 million years. Also traces of methane have been discovered. Now we know oil comes from deceased dinosaurs and methane from gassy cows. Now when the Rover finds some discarded plastic bottles we'll know, along with the dinosaurs and cows, that there were Martians and they littered. We'll also know that plastic bottles DO last forever.

2) KFC is cooking up a new alleged healthier recipe without the "C" in KFC.
Will KFC become KFV? They are working on a chicken like vegetarian option with its blend of herbs and spices. It's going to take a ton of herbs and spices to make a cucumber taste like KFC chicken. I believe that a realdedicated and serious vegetarian would find herb and spiced up veggies, so they taste like chicken, quite insulting. We dedicated and serious finger lickin' good folks feel the same way. KFC should not become KFV.

3) Taking time out from stealing our intellectual property China has actually come up with something, on their own, and it looks like a winner.It's a pedestrian traffic lane at malls for people who can't stop staring at their phones. We should do this at our malls, too. Of course, if we do, China will come after us for stealing their intellectual property.

4) The TSA scored another video hit with the 6-minute pat down of a 96-year-old woman in a wheel chair. When questioned about the incident the TSA responded they followed their protocols and are dedicated to "our" safety. An anonymous source claimed someone at the TSA also commented "If you don't like our protocols, take the train."

5) Robot Report. There now is a robot that can serve dinner, drinks and give you a massage. Sounds great, right? Well the dinner and drinks part, yes. The massage, not so much. Regarding a robot massage, I suggest you Google  "The Big Bang Theory" episode "The Robotic Manipulation" and see what happens to Howard Wolowitz. It is not only educational but hilarious.

  (Tom Murphy is a writer, humorist, actor, disc jockey and an occasional contributor to CityWatch. He lives in Los Angeles.)