---

 [ IMPORTANT READS ](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&id=9)

#  Top 10 Fantasy Tweets! United Airlines Twit CEO to Terrified United Passengers

UNFRIENDLY SKIES--We now have an amazing new and fearsome word in our vernacular: reaccommodate. This is Orwellian bizarro-speak for "you get the short end of the stick", or "have your civil rights taken away", or "being violently abused". But hey, this is United Airlines, right?

We all know that United Airlines has a deserved reputation for being so abusive to their passengers that they've forgotten how NOT to treat them with contempt, but who knew that CEO Oscar Munoz, who originally doubled down and defended the way an elderly doctor was manhandled by blaming the doctor, could be so headline-making.

So in the spirit of the absurd--from United Airlines' absurd perspective on how they view their customers as chattel, to the absurd manner in which the CEO and the rest of United's leadership have responded, here are a few fitting fantasy tweets we'd love to see the CEO make.

Heck, nothing can surprise us anymore about Oscar Munoz and the manhandling misfits who have now shown the world how to be "united" against this airline--so here's some make-believe messages that we'd love to read from Mr. Munoz:

10\) Fly the Friendly Skies ... if we allow you to stay on until take-off!

9\) I just got a call from President Trump … United Airlines has now been hired to reaccommodate Kim Jong Un out of North Korea!

8\) OK, OK, OK ... after 2-3 tries, NOW I'll apologize for what happened! Because at United, we really are sincere about what we say and do.

7\) To my United Airlines teammates: we are now changing our name to Seal Team Six!

6\) Don't you low-lifes "get it" that some travelers are "higher-priority" than others? Duh!

5\) Is there a doctor on the plane? We have an injured passenger! Oh ... oops ... wait ... about that ...

4\) Why is China so upset about this incident? The guy went to medical school in Vietnam.

3\) It's not like this incident has racist overtones or anything like that.

2\) We're United Airlines! We can't be beat! Our passengers can be beat ... but we sure can't!

1\) So ... why the hell am I still employed as CEO of United Airlines?

*(Kenneth S. Alpern, M.D. is a dermatologist who has served in clinics in Los Angeles, Orange, and Riverside Counties. He is also a Westside Village Zone Director and Board member of the Mar Vista Community Council (MVCC), previously co-chaired its Planning and Outreach Committees, and currently is Co-Chair of its MVCC Transportation/Infrastructure Committee. He was co-chair of the CD11 Transportation Advisory Committee and chaired the nonprofit Transit Coalition, and can be reached at <alpern@marvista.org>.* *He also co-chairs the grassroots Friends of the Green Line at [www.fogl.us](http://www.fogl.us). The views expressed in this article are solely those of Dr. Alpern.)*

*-cw*

Written by Kenneth S. Alpern.

 ![](https://mail.citywatchla.com/images/stories/Apr-2017/15030s.png)

April 13 2017

<a class="a2a_button_facebook"></a><a class="a2a_button_twitter"></a><a class="a2a_button_email"></a><a class="a2a_button_print"></a>[](https://www.addtoany.com/share)

 [Comments](#disqus_thread)

UNFRIENDLY SKIES--We now have an amazing new and fearsome word in our vernacular: reaccommodate. This is Orwellian bizarro-speak for "you get the short end of the stick", or "have your civil rights taken away", or "being violently abused". But hey, this is United Airlines, right?

We all know that United Airlines has a deserved reputation for being so abusive to their passengers that they've forgotten how NOT to treat them with contempt, but who knew that CEO Oscar Munoz, who originally doubled down and defended the way an elderly doctor was manhandled by blaming the doctor, could be so headline-making.

So in the spirit of the absurd--from United Airlines' absurd perspective on how they view their customers as chattel, to the absurd manner in which the CEO and the rest of United's leadership have responded, here are a few fitting fantasy tweets we'd love to see the CEO make.

Heck, nothing can surprise us anymore about Oscar Munoz and the manhandling misfits who have now shown the world how to be "united" against this airline--so here's some make-believe messages that we'd love to read from Mr. Munoz:

10\) Fly the Friendly Skies ... if we allow you to stay on until take-off!

9\) I just got a call from President Trump … United Airlines has now been hired to reaccommodate Kim Jong Un out of North Korea!

8\) OK, OK, OK ... after 2-3 tries, NOW I'll apologize for what happened! Because at United, we really are sincere about what we say and do.

7\) To my United Airlines teammates: we are now changing our name to Seal Team Six!

6\) Don't you low-lifes "get it" that some travelers are "higher-priority" than others? Duh!

5\) Is there a doctor on the plane? We have an injured passenger! Oh ... oops ... wait ... about that ...

4\) Why is China so upset about this incident? The guy went to medical school in Vietnam.

3\) It's not like this incident has racist overtones or anything like that.

2\) We're United Airlines! We can't be beat! Our passengers can be beat ... but we sure can't!

1\) So ... why the hell am I still employed as CEO of United Airlines?

*(Kenneth S. Alpern, M.D. is a dermatologist who has served in clinics in Los Angeles, Orange, and Riverside Counties. He is also a Westside Village Zone Director and Board member of the Mar Vista Community Council (MVCC), previously co-chaired its Planning and Outreach Committees, and currently is Co-Chair of its MVCC Transportation/Infrastructure Committee. He was co-chair of the CD11 Transportation Advisory Committee and chaired the nonprofit Transit Coalition, and can be reached at <alpern@marvista.org>.* *He also co-chairs the grassroots Friends of the Green Line at [www.fogl.us](http://www.fogl.us). The views expressed in this article are solely those of Dr. Alpern.)*

*-cw*

 [ ![LA DWP #2 (Pay Your Bill Help)](https://mail.citywatchla.com/images/LADWP/dwp%20level%20pay%205-7-25.jpg) ](https://mail.citywatchla.com/component/banners/click/82 "LA DWP #2 (Pay Your Bill Help)")

 ![](https://mail.citywatchla.com/images/banners/signup-for-cw.png)

## Get The News In Your Email Inbox Mondays &amp; Thursdays

 Message

 [ ![Home - HHR Rent is too High - SB-2](https://mail.citywatchla.com/images/HHR/AHF-rent-too-high.jpg) ](https://mail.citywatchla.com/component/banners/click/104 "Home - HHR Rent is too High - SB-2")

 ---

##  Featured CityWatch Stories

 [ ![](https://mail.citywatchla.com/media/yootheme/cache/d8/066m-d8f0fac6.jpg) ](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33229:democrats-finally-tell-iowa-and-new-hampshire-you-dont-go-first-anymore&catid=395)

### [Democrats Finally Tell Iowa and New Hampshire: You Don’t Go First Anymore](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33229:democrats-finally-tell-iowa-and-new-hampshire-you-dont-go-first-anymore&catid=395)

GELFAND’S WORLD - Earlier in the week, the Democratic National Committee did something good. Mind you it wasn’t great…

 [ ![](https://mail.citywatchla.com/media/yootheme/cache/da/066j-daf22e28.jpg) ](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33231:a-prisoner-a-peacemaker-and-israels-defining-choice&catid=375)

### [A Prisoner, A Peacemaker, and Israel’s Defining Choice](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33231:a-prisoner-a-peacemaker-and-israels-defining-choice&catid=375)

P.O.V - Marwan Barghouti remains one of the most consequential—and controversial—figures in the Israeli-Palestinian con…

 [ ![](https://mail.citywatchla.com/media/yootheme/cache/65/066n-6599ca07.jpg) ](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33228:lausd-demolishes-closed-schools-wasting-public-assets-and-community-hopes&catid=312)

### [LAUSD Demolishes Closed Schools, Wasting Public Assets and Community Hopes](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33228:lausd-demolishes-closed-schools-wasting-public-assets-and-community-hopes&catid=312)

NICK'S VIEW - We are appalled that the Los Angeles Unified School District (LAUSD) is demolishing closed schools in the…

 [ ![](https://mail.citywatchla.com/media/yootheme/cache/e3/067m-e39a930e.jpg) ](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33250:missing-middle-la-city-plannings-new-approach-to-attainable-housing&catid=429)

### [Missing Middle. LA City Planning’s New Approach to “Attainable” Housing](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33250:missing-middle-la-city-plannings-new-approach-to-attainable-housing&catid=429)

MY TAKE - As if Sacramento’s relentless parade of housing-streamlining legislation hasn’t disrupted Los Angeles neighbo…

 [ ![](https://mail.citywatchla.com/media/yootheme/cache/84/066h-84a1ecbd.jpg) ](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33234:homelessness-among-seniors-spikes-in-los-angeles-county-but-its-not-hopeless&catid=312)

### [Homelessness Among Seniors Spikes in Los Angeles County, But It’s Not Hopeless](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33234:homelessness-among-seniors-spikes-in-los-angeles-county-but-its-not-hopeless&catid=312)

SENIOR HOUSING - Near the very end of the report for the most recent Greater Los Angeles Homeless Count, there’s a stat…

---

##  [ IMPORTANT READS ](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&id=9)

 [ ![](https://mail.citywatchla.com/images/stories/Aug-2026/065i.jpg) ](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33221:netanyahu-needed-an-enemy-mamdani-volunteered&catid=9)### [Netanyahu Needed an Enemy - Mamdani Volunteered](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33221:netanyahu-needed-an-enemy-mamdani-volunteered&catid=9)

 [ ![](https://mail.citywatchla.com/images/stories/Aug-2026/064m3.jpeg) ](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33192:should-unsafe-property-conditions-lead-to-injury-claims&catid=9)### [Should Unsafe Property Conditions Lead to Injury Claims?](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33192:should-unsafe-property-conditions-lead-to-injury-claims&catid=9)

 [ ![](https://mail.citywatchla.com/images/stories/Aug-2026/061q.jpg) ](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33155:how-electrical-hazards-put-workers-at-risk&catid=9)### [How Electrical Hazards Put Workers at Risk](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33155:how-electrical-hazards-put-workers-at-risk&catid=9)

 [ ![](https://mail.citywatchla.com/images/stories/July-2026/058i.jpg) ](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33091:metro-doesnt-have-a-transit-problem-it-has-a-leadership-problem&catid=9)### [Metro Doesn't Have a Transit Problem—It Has a Leadership Problem](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33091:metro-doesnt-have-a-transit-problem-it-has-a-leadership-problem&catid=9)

 [ ![](https://mail.citywatchla.com/images/stories/July-2026/060o.jpg) ](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33139:wrongful-death-claims-after-a-serious-accident-and-what-families-need-to-know&catid=9)### [Wrongful Death Claims After a Serious Accident and What Families Need to Know](https://mail.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33139:wrongful-death-claims-after-a-serious-accident-and-what-families-need-to-know&catid=9)
<div data-id="1" 
	class="eb-inst eb-hide eb-emailform eb-1 eboxContentLocker"
	data-options='{"trigger":"onPageLoad","trigger_selector":"","delay":3000,"early_trigger":true,"scroll_depth":"percentage","scroll_depth_value":80,"firing_frequency":1,"reverse_scroll_close":true,"threshold":0,"close_out_viewport":false,"exit_timer":1000,"idle_time":10000,"close_on_esc":false,"animation_open":"slideInDown","animation_close":"fadeOutDown","animation_duration":400,"disable_page_scroll":true,"test_mode":false,"debug":false,"ga_tracking":true,"ga_tracking_id":"G-P16BQ7X1SW","ga_tracking_event_category":"EngageBox","ga_tracking_event_label":"Box #1 - Global Email Signup Form","auto_focus":false}'
	data-type='popup'
	>

	<button type="button" data-ebox-cmd="close" class="eb-close placement-outside" aria-label="Close">
	<img alt="close popup button" />
	<span aria-hidden="true">&times;</span>
</button>
	<div class="eb-dialog eb-formVer" role="dialog" aria-modal="true" id="dialog1" aria-label="dialog1">
		
		<button type="button" data-ebox-cmd="close" class="eb-close placement-inside" aria-label="Close">
	<img alt="close popup button" />
	<span aria-hidden="true">&times;</span>
</button>	
		<div class="eb-container">
						<div class="eb-content">
				
<form action="https://citywatchla.us2.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=34d69f33624fd058ee9b56516&amp;id=4bfa422f51&amp;f_id=00d6c2e1f0" class="eb" method="post" id="mcform-1" name="mcform-1" target="_blank">
			<div class="eb-form-header"><p><img src="/images/2023/06/be-a-city-watcher.png" alt="be a city watcher" width="350" height="97" loading="lazy" data-path="local-images:/2023/06/be-a-city-watcher.png"></p>
<p>Sign up to receive our special e-news blasts on Monday and Thursday evenings!</p></div>
	
					<div class="eb-field-row">

			
			
			
			<input class="eb-input" type="email" name="EMAIL"  placeholder="Email address"  id="EMAIL" value="" required>

			
		</div>
										
	<div class="eb-footer">
    	<button class="eb-btn" type="submit" name="subscribe" style="background-color:rgba(93, 183, 93, 1);color:rgba(255, 255, 255, 1)">
    		Sign up    	</button>
    </div>
</form>			</div>
		</div>
	</div>	
</div>
<div data-id="3" 
	class="eb-inst eb-hide eb-yesno eb-3 "
	data-options='{"trigger":"onScrollDepth","trigger_selector":"","delay":0,"early_trigger":false,"scroll_depth":"percentage","scroll_depth_value":80,"firing_frequency":2,"reverse_scroll_close":false,"threshold":0,"close_out_viewport":false,"exit_timer":1000,"idle_time":1000,"close_on_esc":false,"animation_open":"fadeInUp","animation_close":"fadeOut","animation_duration":300,"disable_page_scroll":false,"test_mode":false,"debug":false,"ga_tracking":true,"ga_tracking_id":"G-P16BQ7X1SW","ga_tracking_event_category":"EngageBox","ga_tracking_event_label":"Box #3 - Yes \/ No Donation Popup Box","auto_focus":false}'
	data-type='popup'
	>

	<button type="button" data-ebox-cmd="close" class="eb-close placement-outside" aria-label="Close">
	<img alt="close popup button" />
	<span aria-hidden="true">&times;</span>
</button>
	<div class="eb-dialog " role="dialog" aria-modal="true" id="dialog3" aria-label="dialog3">
		
		<button type="button" data-ebox-cmd="close" class="eb-close placement-inside" aria-label="Close">
	<img alt="close popup button" />
	<span aria-hidden="true">&times;</span>
</button>	
		<div class="eb-container">
						<div class="eb-content">
				
<div class="ebox-yes-no">
	<div class="ebox-yn-text">
		
		
		<div class="ebox-yn-headline" style="font-size:22px;color:#888888">
			<p>If you only give once a month, would you consider giving to CityWatch?</p>
<p>Your support fuels our mission to promote and facilitate civic engagement and neighborhood empowerment, and to hold area government and its politicians accountable.</p>
<p>Would you like to help? Even if you can only give $5, it will make a difference.</p>		</div>
			</div>
	
	<div class="ebox-ys-buttons" style="font-size: 16px;">
		
<a
					data-ebox-prevent="0"
		data-ebox-cmd="close"
				target="_self"
		href="https://www.citywatchla.com/donate"
		rel="noopener"
	
	
	
	
	class="ebox-ys-btn"
	style="background-color:#2ec664;color:#ffffff;min-width:100px">
	Yes
	</a>
<a
	
	
			data-ebox-cmd="close"
		href="#"
	
	
	class="ebox-ys-btn"
	style="background-color:#ef2345;color:#ffffff;min-width:100px">
	Not Right Now
	</a>	</div>

	</div>			</div>
		</div>
	</div>	
</div>